Top 50 Celebrity Sandwiches
1. The Keith Richards: Smoked lungfish on a toasted English muffin
2. The Howard Stern: 1 cocktail weenie and 2 matzo balls in fermented tuna fish pita
3. The Michael Jackson: Flour-drenched pepper steak on Emmanuel Lewis bialy, with Bubbles sauce
4. The Ben Affleck: Dense slabs of yellow-flavored cheese and iceberg lettuce on supermarket white bread
5. Gwyneth Paltrow: Steamed chives and a Tic-Tac on fat-free Saltines
6. The Jim Carrey: Virginia baked ham and black forest ham, served between two slices of maple cured ham, with ham sauce
7. The Dan Quayle: Mongoloid cutlet on potatoe bread
8. The Homeless Dude: Half a Chicken McNugget and a shoe full of Wendy's chili served between a Big Mac bun and a chicken bone
9. The Woody Allen: Egg foo "young" and kosher tongue, served on a toasted plain bagel
10. The Martha Stewart: Rosemary-marinated boar's anus, charbroiled to perfection, on homemade nine-grain peasant waffles
11. The Barbara Walters: Sun-dried pheasant jerky and Revlon sauce on sourdough flatbread
12. The O.J. Simpson: White meat and blood sausage on a pan-seared Gucci glove
13. The Bette Midler: Wind beneath my roadkill wings, on a toasted saccharine challah
14. The Mullah Omar: Mayonnaise-based gravel salad served between two semi-decayed camel hooves
15. The Dan Rather: Sumptuous Geritol cutlets, slathered in tangy liberal mustard and wedged between two crusty slices of Alzheimer's baguette
16. The Britney Spears: Pepsi-glazed baby tuna on statutory toast
17. The Kathie Lee Gifford: Malaysian pre-teen laborer on scallion pancake
18. The Sally Struthers: Bison tartare on a glazed donut
19. The Michael Jordan: Sliced hamlet with basketballs, baseballs, and golf balls (seasonal), on Nike bread
20. The Charleton Heston: Venison burger on white bread with Moses sauce and side of buckshot
21. The Tom Cruise: Glistening sausage, firmly wedged between hard buns
22. The Shannon Elizabeth: Beer-batter-fried American tomcat pie, stuffed in a cheap thong with garnish
23. The George Hamilton: Seared Naugahyde on toasted pumpernickel with a cocoa butter coulis
24. The John Malkovich: John Malkovich and John Malkovich on John Malkovich with John Malkovich and John Malkovich
25. The Jay Leno: Deep-fried headcheese wrapped in a heavily buttered deep dish pizza crust
26. The Richard Gere: Holier-than-thou Tofurky with rainforest lotus blossoms and harmony sauce on I-do-movies-about-gettin'-pussy bread
27. The Melanie Griffith & Antonio Banderas: Silicone injected pig lips on tobacco paella toast
28. The Calista Flockhart: Laxative-soaked cotton balls on transparently thin cucumber slices
29. The Carson Daly: Bubbalicious loaf on lip-glossed sticky buns
30. John Travolta: Grilled space lizard on a $20,000 bun
31. The Ron Jeremy: Foot-long kielbasa, comes in 1000s of buns
32. The Elizabeth Taylor: Open-faced mink filet on sponge cake, smothered in cubic zirconium b?naise
33. The Leonardo DiCaprio: Weathered veal and puffer fish on an oil-drenched croissant
34. The Vanna White: Whipped toothpaste and vanilla-flavored lard, gently ensconced in a delicate crepe
35. The Jennifer Aniston: Friendly's fries with peach Pitt gravy on the same tired old roll
36. The Robert Downey, Jr.: Marinated psylocibin mushrooms and methadone cheese on Spoon-cooked flatbread
37. The Pam Anderson: Fried mayonnaise tart with a silicone shell
38. The Jerry Seinfeld: Observational gefilte chutney and mullet-shaped mesh of sprouts, served in an acid-washed denim pita
39. The Jackie Chan: Peking duck beaten to pulp and thrown out window of moving truck, pan-friend soft "r's" wrapped in $100 bills
40. The Alec Baldwin: Asshole ham, asshole cheese, asshole lettuce on an asshole piece of bread
41. The Eminem: Blanched crawdad and collard greens on queer-bash foccacia
42. The Angelina Jolie: Puckered squid in mammary sauce on rice cakes
43. The Frank Sinatra: Pureed martini olives on communion wafers, garnished with bloody Chicklets
44. The Jeff Bezos: A piece of moldy lettuce wrapped in a fancy advertisement for a delicious, juicy corn beef sandwich
45. The Wolfgang Puck: Sliced Spam and Velveeta, smothered with Miracle Whip and nestled between two freshly toasted Berry-Berry Pop-Tarts
46. The George W Bush: Coca-cured armadillo wrapped in an American flag tortilla
47. The George Clooney: Beaver on rye
48. The Kate Moss: Cottage cheese and ipecac syrup on rice paper
49. The Bea Arthur: Potted meat and mint jelly on Matzo bread
50. The J-Lo: No-fat chorizo with a bling-bling butter and ass-crack souffl?crust - grand?(prepared by 12 chefs)
The Teamsters are trying to organize the supermodels
The Teamsters are trying to organize the supermodels and get them to join the Teamsters Union. You know what you call Kate Moss with a picket sign? A kite.
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