Arnold Schwarzenegger is getting old?
How can you tell Arnold Schwarzenegger is getting old?
New phrase: "Ow, my back."
We want better schools
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous.
Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me."
What's my motivation
When Arnold Schwarzenegger became Governor of California...
He had to give up his current job and start acting for a living!
Musical talent
Arnold Swartzeneger and Sylvester Stallone are making a movie about the lives of the great eighteenth century composers. Stallone says "I want to be Mozart. I reckon he was a pretty funky guy"
Swartzeneger says: "In that case... I'll be Bach."
Reconnected After Birth (Washington Post Contest)
In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to combine any two celebrities' overlapping names to create a new one. Some of our favorite entries:
Mr. T.S. Eliot: "I pity the fool, wanderin' around half-deserted streets, walkin' on beaches, talkin' about peaches, mournin' his lost manhood. I pity the fool."
Ponce de Leon Spinks: Boxer who searched in vain for the Fountain of Tooth
Fat Albert Einstein: "Hey{+3}."
Marion Barry Bonds: "The pitch set me up!"
Al Frankenstein's Monster: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, gosh darn it, I'm a big fat idiot."
Dean Martin Luther King: "I have a drink!"
Mullah Omartha Stewart: Currently hiding in a tastefully decorated cave.
Auntie Eminem: "Dorothy, git down in the cella/Cuz I ain't no Rockefella/I cain't take no persecutions/From you or them Lilliputians"
Benedict Arnold Schwarzenegger: "I'll be backstabbing"
Babe Ruth Westheimer: A noted expert on getting past third base.
Mr. Bill Clinton: "Oh noooo. It's special prosecutor Sluggo!"
Dirty Harry Potter: "Go ahead, Draco. Make my fortnight."
Oscar the Groucho Marx: Starred in "Rubber Duckie Soup."
Punxsutawney Phil Jackson: Returns every winter, often bringing bad luck to others.
Pollyanna Karen-ina: Cheerfully threw herself under a train.
George W. Somerset Maugham: "Of Human Bombage"
Take a guess!
What is this?
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one...
Cher and Madonna don't have one...
And the Pope doesn't use his...
Answer: A Last Name!
Excited about his new project concept
Excited about his new project concept, a movie producer had called together several big name draws to kick some ideas around. The project, an action docu-drama about famous composers featured Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwartzenegger in leading roles.The producers really wanted the box office 'oomph' of these three, and they were prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray. "Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him." "Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme, I'll play him." Things were going well; the producers were pleased. "Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?" "I'll be Bach."
Computer Viruses
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
Your 1.3gb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80mb and then slowly expands back to 1.3gb.
AT&T VIRUS:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back...
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:
Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS:
Prints "oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort".
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
EMELDA MARCOS VIRUS:
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS:
It starts by boldly stating "Read my docs...No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.
DENVER BRONCOS VIRUS:
Makes your P133 machine perform like a 286/AT
L.A.P.D. VIRUS:
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".
Steven Spielberg about famous classical composers
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
A last name
Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?
A last name....... Were you thinking of something else?
|
