Standards have gone to an all-time low and I'm here to represent them. - announcing his new Saturday night late show on CBS.
I always resented the label of 'shock jock' that the press came up with for me. Because I never intentionally set out to shock anybody.
Writing a book just might be the hardest thing I've ever done, besides trying to get laid in college.
This country has too many freedoms.
I've always thought that a name says a lot about a person. So naturally, being named Howard, I always wanted to crawl into a hole.
I just wish for once Hollywood would make a realistic movie about retarded people, where a retarded guy leaves his house, people stare at him for a while and then lock him up. - on the movie "Forrest Gump" (1994)
I like music that makes me want to kill myself.
Our rap was that if girls could only look beyond the fact that we didn't have great looks and see that we have great personalities, they would fall in love with us. The truth of the matter was we had really bad personalities in addition to our ugly faces. Even the losers called us losers. And we were.
I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock.
I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated.
It's no treat being in bed with me.
Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.
I'm for legalizing marijuana. Why pick on those drugs? Valium is legal. You just go to a doctor and get it and overdose on it - what's the difference? Prozac, all that stuff, so why not marijuana? Who cares? It's something that grows out of the ground - why not? Go smoke a head of cabbage. I don't care what you smoke.
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