Spell
How do you spell "No Oprah" backwards?
Harpoon.
Yeast infection
What do you call Oprah Winfree with a yeast infection?
A whopper with cheese!
Oprah's dress
What did drug agents find under Oprah's dress?
80 pounds of crack.
Double or Nothing
What does Hannibal Lecter call Oprah?
A Double Stuffed Oreo
Computer Viruses
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
Your 1.3gb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80mb and then slowly expands back to 1.3gb.
AT&T VIRUS:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back...
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:
Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS:
Prints "oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort".
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
EMELDA MARCOS VIRUS:
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS:
It starts by boldly stating "Read my docs...No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.
DENVER BRONCOS VIRUS:
Makes your P133 machine perform like a 286/AT
L.A.P.D. VIRUS:
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".
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