Bruce: And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Bruce: How do you make someone love you without changing free will?
God: Welcome to my world.
Bruce: Nice to meet you, g-d. Nice job on the Grand Canyon and good luck with the apocalypse.
Bruce: [sticking up his middle finger and pretending he's playing a jazz tune] I can hold that note all day, buddy.
Grace: I've got a very rare blood type. I'm AB positive.
Bruce: Well I'm IB positive. I be positive they ain't touching me with no needle.
God: Well, now I guess you can't do anything now that you're dead.
Bruce: I'm DEAD?
[pause]
God: Naw, I'm just messing with ya.
Bruce: That is NOT funny.
Bruce: I can do it, Jack. I can be like Evan.
Jack: You don't want to be like Evan. Evan's an asshole.
Bruce: I can be an asshole.
Jack: No you can't.
[Bruce knocks over Jack's sandwich]
Jack: You going to get that?
Bruce: Yeah I'm sorry.
Grace: Debbie won the lottery.
Bruce: Really?
Grace: Yeah, well, she and about 400,000 other people so she only won 17 bucks.
Bruce: Okay, prayer beads, 'God, please give me a sign.'
[Truck with Danger signs passes him]
[Bruce wakes up in the hospital and he's holding the prayer beads]
Bruce: Okay, now you're just showing off.
Hood: You want me and the homies to apologize right?
[Bruce nods]
Hood: Okay Cool, man, the day a monkey comes out of my butt is the day you'll get your sorry.
Bruce: Well, how ironic, cause that's TODAY.
Bruce: Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home, little buddy.
Bruce: Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away. Don't like it? Megabyte me.
Bruce: I needed time to reassess my goals and get in touch with my true self.
Jack: You did that in a day?
Bruce: Imagine what I could do in seven...
Bruce: Where are you going?
God: Vacation.
Bruce: God doesn't go on vacation. Does he?... Do... ye?
God: Ever hear of the dark ages?
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