[from the trailer]
[the Cat is looking at a photo]
The Cat: Humina, humina, humina! Who is this?
Conrad: That's my mom.
[pause]
The Cat: Awkward.
The Fish: Stop this right now!
Sally: The fish is talking.
The Cat: Sure, he can talk. But is he saying anything? No, not really.
Conrad: I'm not going to military school.
Lawrence Quinn: Oh, I think you're gonna love it! It's just like summer camp, except with brutal forced marches and soul-crushing discipline.
Sally: You have to clean up this mess.
The Cat: I'll try.
Sally: [Grabs the Cat in the Hat by his bowtie] You'll try? You do!
The Cat: (showing his car) Here she is, the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger, or S-L-O-W for short.
Sally: S-L-O-W?
The Cat: Yeah, S.L.O.W. It's better than the last thing we had: Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter?
Conrad: Oh, you mean...
The Cat: NO! Quick! To the S.L.O.W.!
The Cat: Wow! This is just like the carnival, just without the abused animals and the drunken clowns with hepatitis.
The Fish: This cat should not be here, he should not be about! He should not be here when your mother is out!
The Cat: There is a third option!
[Vaudeville Keyboard music]
Sally: There is?
The Cat: Yes. It involves... MURDER!
[More vaudeville keyboard music]
[after cutting his tail off with a meat cleaver]
The Cat: Son of a (beep)!
Sally: Where did you come from?
The Cat: Hmm, How do I put this... When a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much, they decide to...
Conrad: No, no, no, no, no. Where did you *come* from?
The Cat: My place, what do you think?
The Cat: C'mon kids, you're gonna listen to him? He drinks where he pees!
The Cat: [closing the crate after Conrad opened it] Listen, Condax... you probably don't wanna do that.
Conrad: Why not? It's just a crate.
The Cat: This isn't just any old crate, it's the Transdimensional Transporterlator. It's kinda like a doorway which leads from this world to my world.
Conrad: But it says "Made in the Philippines".
The Cat: Yes, but not these Philippines.
The Cat: [as the cook] Delicious cupcakes are just minutes away.
The Cat: [as a cooking show host] Did you say minutes away? that's impossible!
The Cat: [as the cook] You're not just wrong, you're stupid.
The Cat: [as a cooking Show host] now, wait just a minute...
The Cat: [as the cook] And you're ugly, just like your mum.
The Fish: Oh my Cod!
Sally: Who are you?
The Cat: Who, Me? Why I'm The Cat in the Hat, there's no doubt about that. I'm a super fundiferous feline, who's here to make sure that you're..."meline"..."key lime"..."turpentine". I got nothing! I'm not so good with the rhyming, not really, no. Look, I'm a cat that can talk that should be enough for you people!
|
