Brian: Days get shorter and shorter, nights longer and longer, before you know it, you life is just one long night with a few comatose daylight hours.
Doug: Anything else is always something better.
Uncle Pat: Most things in life, good and bad, just kinda' happen to ya'.
Doug: I don't care how liberated this world becomes - a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume - and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not.
Doug: When you see the color of their panties, you know you've got talent. Stick with me son and I'll make you a star.
Bonnie: Don't let it end this way.
Brian: All things end badly, or else they wouldn't end.
Brian: Coughlin's law: never show surprise, never lose your cool.
Brian: You're offering me a job?
Doug: Uh huh.
Brian: The waitresses hate me!
Doug: You wait till you've given them crabs. Then you'll really know hatred.
[Flanagan's advice to his unborn child:]
Brian: If Jordan gives birth to a fine Irish son / There will be Cocktails and Dreams for him one day to run / A business that will yield the financial windfall / To be franchised in every suburban shopping mall. / If a daughter arrives to bless our clan / I guess the shit will finally hit the fan / But this I shall promise thee / I'll never let her marry a guy like me. / Still if our child is the naughtiet of girls or the wildest of young men / I swear I'll be the best dad I can / And never ever get spooked again.
[Last Barman poem]
Brian: I am the last barman poet / I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make / Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake / The sex on the beach / The schnapps made from peach / The velvet hammer / The alabama slammer. / I make things with juice and froth / The pink squirrel / The 3-toed sloth. / I make drinks so sweat and snazzy / The iced tea / The kamakazi / The orgasm / The death spasm / The Singapore sling / The dingaling. / America you've just been devoted to every flavor I got / But if you want to got loaded / Why don't you just order a shot? / Bar is open.
Doug: However, falling down the stairs is allowed!
Doug: Couglin's diet: cocktails and dreams.
Doug: The Luck is gone / the brain is shot / but the liquor we still got.
Uncle Pat: [On how to succeed in business] You outwork, outthink, outscheme and outmanuever. You make no friends. You trust nobody. And you make damn sure you're the smartest guy in the room whenever the subject of money comes up.
Brian: Not a goddamned thing any one of those professors says makes a difference on the street.
Doug: If you know that, you're ready to graduate.
Doug: Coughlin's law: never tell tales about a woman no matter how far away she is, she'll always here you.
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