[At the Academy Awards]
Glenn Close: This is Cameron's first nomination and he's in extremely good company. Tonight he joins fellow best actor nominee Paul Newman for "Coot", Clint Eastwood for "Codger", Michael Douglas for "Primary Urges" and Steven Segal for "Snowball in Hell".
Peter: What was Barbara Streisand's eighth album?
Howard: Color Me Barbra.
Peter: Stud!
Howard: Everybody knows that!
Peter: Everybody where? The little gay bar on the prairie?
Emily: Does anybody here know how many times I had to watch Funny Lady?
Howard: It was a sequel. She was under contract.
Emily: Fuck Barbra Streisand, and you!
Cameron: Eat something, I'm begging you! You look like a swizzle stick.
Sonja: Food?
Emily: I need a heterosexual male, CODE RED!
Emily: Is everybody gay? Is this a Twilight Zone?
Emily: I've seen all your movies.
Cameron: Both of them?
[while listening to the "How to be a man" tape]
Voice on tape: Now, repeat after me: "Yo!"
Howard Brackett: Yo!
Voice on tape: Hot damn!
Howard Brackett: Hot damn!
Voice on tape: What a fabulous window treatment!
Howard Brackett: What a fabu...
Voice on tape: That was a trick!
Howard Brackett: I may sue!
Howard's dad: Get Johnny Cochrane, not that woman!
Peter Malloy: A teacher in trouble. A town under siege. A journey to the heartland. Stay tuned.
Voice on Tape: Excuse me, are we a little teapot?
Howard Brackett: This is my Peter - uh, my *friend* Peter. We just met at the, uh, intersexual... homosection... INTERSECTION!
Emily: (standing there in her wedding dress)Are you really gay?
Howard: Hmm Hmm
Emily: Was there oh, ANY OTHER TIME YOU MIGHT OF TOLD ME THIS? I'm wearing a wedding dress, WHICH YOU PICKED OUT!
["how to be a man" tape plays disco music]
Voice on Tape: For God's sake, don't shake that booty!
Voice on Tape: Think of John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold doesn't dance, he can hardly walk.
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