[During prison riot]
Rocko Dillon: I've been watching you McGurke. You handle yourself really good.
Frank Drebin: Really well.
Rocko Dillon: Whatever.
Jane Spencer: Now I know why Ed's been calling every half hour. You've been back on a case, haven't you?
Frank Drebin: No, no, I swear, it's another woman.
Jane Spencer: In your wildest dreams.
[Frank Drebin is stopped at the entrance of the Award Ceremony place]
Frank Drebin: Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad.
Guard: Yeah, and I'm Robert De Niro.
Frank Drebin: Mr. De Niro, we got to get inside.
Frank Drebin: Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.
Frank Drebin: Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.
Tanya Peters: What are you doing?
Frank Drebin: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
Tanya Peters: Your bishop's exposed.
Frank Drebin: It's these pants.
Tanya Peters: You're all man. I like that in my men.
Frank Drebin: You're coming on to me big time, sister. You're preying on me like a kitten with a fresh mouse. And we got a problem.
Tanya Peters: You're Jewish?
Frank Drebin: No. You're Rocko's girl, and in my book that chapter's called "look but don't touch."
Tanya Peters: I could have two lovers.
Frank Drebin: Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.
[Frank offers Tanya a cigarette]
Frank Drebin: Cigarette?
Tanya Peters: Yes, I know.
[Jane catches Frank kissing Tanya]
Jane Spencer: How could you!
Tanya Peters: Well, you just shove your tongue as far down his throat as you can.
Ed Hocken: You might end up dead!
Frank Drebin: "You might end up dead" is my middle name.
Ed Hocken: What about Jane?
Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name.
Frank Drebin: Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, cold-blooded, sadistic animal. You must be proud of him.
Muriel Dillon: I am.
Rocco Dillon: Where's your prison number?
Frank Drebin: It's unlisted.
Olympia Dukakis: What's that?
James Earl Jones: It looks like Phil Donahue throwing up into a tuba.
Tyrone: You just watch your step, McGurke. This place here changes a man.
Frank Drebin: Yeah, in what way?
Tyrone: I used to be white. I was the drummer for the Osmonds.
Muriel Dillon: How's my little boy? Getting along OK, sweetie?
Rocco Dillon: As well as a heterosexual can in prison. I don't know how much longer I can take it. How's Tanya?
Muriel Dillon: Tanya's the same. Milky, creamy skin, pouting red lips, firm buttocks, ample breasts, ears you want to stick your tongue into.
Rocco Dillon: Ma, please. I'm gonna get guy cramps if you keep this up.
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